The Ketchup Series
by kamitori
Summary: The best thing about Ulquiorra's childhood would probably be this: Hueco Mundo has a lot of ketchup. The worst thing: Being dragged into the many schemes of his older brothers. In other words: Ulquiorra plus Ketchup plus His older siblings equals chaos.
1. First Word

**The Ketchup Series**

**Title:** First Word

**Genre:** General/Light Humor

**Rating:** K/K+

**Characters:** Aizen, Ulquiorra, mentions others

**Summary:** Aizen reminisces on the past and remembers what his "children's" first words were.

**AN:** This story is the first part in what I like to call the ketchup series. It's basically a bunch of drabbles that does not follow the main plotline whatsoever, so instead of being created, er, well, in "adult form", the newly created arrancars would be, to put it roughly, babies—er, toddlers...children? This is just pure crack and Ulquiorra's behavior shall be child-like. XD

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach.

* * *

**First Words**

Aizen leaned against his throne and twirled a strand of brown hair around his finger. It was, to say the least, very boring. Gin and Tousen were outside in Hueco Mundo, watching over Grimmjow, D-Roy, Szayel, and Grantz while they played.

His youngest son, Ulquiorra, was somewhere in the wide expanses of Las Noches—most likely in the kitchen, making another one of his favorite omelets with the help of Yami.

Speaking of his children, Aizen smiled fondly as he started to reminisce on the past. the first thing to come to mind were their births.

Ulquiorra had been the quietest one of them all; he was the only one who didn't break out into questions. Yami had started asking repeatedly for a pet puppy while Grantz and Szayel started asking him random and pointless questions, completing each other's phrases like twins. Then again, Szayel was only younger by several minutes.

D-Roy had burst into tears which started the domino effect of cries that only ended after Shawlong, Aizen's oldest son, came in with ice cream. Grimmjow had thrown his bowl of ice cream at him for getting him chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla.

Grimmjow; the ruler of Las Noches did not even want to think about what Grimmjow first did when he came into being. Aizen shuddered at the thought. He did not want to relive that episode ever again.

Next Aizen remembered exactly in order of when they had learned how to walk. Shawlong had been first, of course, followed by the twins Grantz and Szael. Grimmjow and Noitora had been competing to see who would learn how to walk first which ended in Grimmjow winning and bragging about it for weeks.

Aizen had gotten a huge headache and punished him by locking him up in a room with Grantz and Szayel for a week. When Grimmjow came out, he made all attempts to keep away from them for six whole months. What they did to make Grimmjow that afraid of them he did not want to find out. Even to this day Grimmjow was still wary of them.

Ulquiorra had been last to learn how to walk, but then again, he was the youngest, so that was understandable. He had learned the fastest out of all of them. His feat had earned him a bone crushing hug from his father-mother figure and had gotten rained on by tears of joy, much to the arrancar-child's displeasure. Added to it was the jealousy of all of his older brothers and sisters as well as gaining him a very overprotective parent.

Then Aizen's memories jumped to when his children had learned their first words. Aizen had made sure that he, Gin, and Tousen teach his children words of destruction, or so how he put it. Unfortunately, the teaching didn't go quite as planned.

Shawlong's first word was maim, gaining him a hug. That was Aizen's only success. Yami had learned the word food while D-Roy's first word was bottle. Noitora had learned the word sex.

Aizen was sure that Gin was responsible for corrupting his child's mind at an early age and made a mental note to himself to never let Gin try to teach any of his children again.

Stark learned the word sleep and had acted on that impulse. Still to this day his son was as lazy as ever. Grimmjow had learned a cuss word, though from whom he wasn't sure. Now two of his children's minds were corrupted.

Grantz and Szayel both learned the word, 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' (most likely from the Marry Poppins movie Gin had bought) and kept chanting the word, and sometimes even song, over and over until Tousen threatened to not give them their daily ice cream.

But what had surprised him most was Ulquiorra's first word. It wasn't a mind corrupting word, or so he had thought. It wasn't a bad word or a word with bad intentions. They hadn't even ever mentioned the word, or at least that was what he thought. No, Ulquiorra's first word wasn't a word of destruction or killing. It wasn't even a word of what Aizen deemed as mind corrupting. Nope. Ulquiorra's first word was the name of a condiment. His first word was ketchup.

When he first said it, Ulquiorra was holding a bottle of ketchup protectively in his arms. An omelet smothered in ketchup was right beside him and there was a corn dog smothered in ketchup held in his tiny clutches. There were smudges of ketchup on his face, though luckily his outfit was spotless.

From then on, Aizen had seen Ulquiorra carry around a bottle of ketchup wherever he went. It also became a habit of Ulquiorra's to smother his omelets in ketchup...

The door of the throne room opened and a small arrancar-child ran into the room, his big green eyes reflecting worry and clutching a bottle of ketchup tightly to his chest.

Aizen smiled. Well speak of the devil. "Ulquiorra, do you need anything?" he asked warmly.

"Otou-san," the boy replied in a soft voice. "Can you open this bottle for me? Yami screwed on the cap too tight and now he won't open it for me."

Aizen laughed and opened the bottle of ketchup for his son. Yes, Ulquiorra still loved ketchup more than ever.

"Ne, otou-san, what does **–Censored-** mean?"

Aizen's eye twitched. "Where did you learn that word?" he asked through clenched teeth, his hands balling into fists.

"Gin-oji-san taught me."

Aizen's eye twitched even more as he leapt off his seat and stormed off to find said uncle. "GIN! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT USING THAT LANGUAGE AROUND MY KIDS?!"

Ulquiorra stared at his father and cocked his head in confusion. He wondered why his father was ranting about Gin-oji-san being a bad influence. Then he shrugged and skipped back to the kitchen. Hey, he had an omelet waiting.

* * *

That last part was...CRACK XD Definitely crack! XD Now if only Ulquiorra would skip around for us...XD So, everyone, help yourself to a free Ulquiorra doll—he even comes with his own ketchup bottle!—and some cookies! 


	2. The Blood Caper

**The Ketchup Series**

**Title:** The Blood Caper

**Genre:** Mystery/Light Humor

**Rating:** K+/T for blood and some foul coughJapanescough language.

**Characters:** Ulquiorra Schiffer, Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, Szayel Aporro, Il Forte Grantz, D-Roy, Yami

**Summary:** Something has stained the perfectly white walls of Las Noches! And what is that thing? Why, it's blood! But why is there blood on the walls and who's blood is it? It's up to Szael and the gang to find out!

**AN:** Again, crack. XD But really, don't you want to know who's blood it is? And don't you want to see the little kids run around Las Noches trying to be detectives? This is crack I tell you, crack! XD

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach.

* * *

"...eight, nine, ten! Ready or not, here I come!" a little arrancar with pink hair and glasses way too big for his face cried out. The arrancar-child, Szayel Aporro, dashed out of his father's throne room to look for his brothers. 

But in his mad dash, he managed to bump into the youngest of the arrancar-children, Ulquiorra Schiffer, a.k.a. Daddy's Little Boy. "Eh, watch where you're going, Ulqui-kun!" Szayel yelled, getting up and rubbing his sore bottom.

Ulquiorra looked up at the older arrancar-child with his big green orbs. "...you're the one who bumped into me," he said after a bit. He got up as well and grabbed the ketchup bottle that he always carried around.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever little bro," Szael replied, waving his hand in a dismissing manner. "Speaking of which, have you seen Grantz, or Grimm-kun, or Roy-chan?"

"...yes," was Ulquiorra's reply.

Szayel smiled and stared. Ulquiorra stared back with an innocent look. Szayel continued staring. Ulquiorra's look didn't waver. Szayel's smile began to waver. The youngest arrancar-child continued to look up with his infamous deadpan look. Szayel finally cracked.

"Well, aren't cha going to tell me?" he snapped, placing his hands at his waist and tapping his foot impatiently. "Where are they?"

Ulquiorra pointed in the direction in which he had just came from. "Grimmjow is hiding in the first room to the left," he said softly. Then he started walking again. "By the way, you shouldn't do that. It makes you look even more girly than you already are."

Szayel glared at his retreating back. "I am _not_ girly!" he shouted. Then he fingered his vibrant pink hair. "I think...uh, whatever." He dismissed Ulquiorra's comment and rushed down the hallway once more. He had a game of hide-and-go-seek to finish.

Opening the door to the room that Ulquiorra had indicated, Szayel slipped in, and in his shrillest voice, he called out, "Come out, come out wherever you are! I know you're in here, Grimm-kun!"

He saw a bit of movement to his right and there was a flash of light blue hair. Taking no chances, Szayel lunged at the moving target and got into a tussle with Grimmjow. It ending with Szayel sitting Indian style on Grimmjow's back, laughing like a maniac.

"Bwahahahahaha! I caught you, Grimm-kun!" he cackled in delight.

Grimmjow winced and covered his abused ears. "All right, all right, already!" he shouted. "You caught me, now get off, Szayel-teme!"

Szayel gasped and jumped off comically, pointing an accusing finger at the younger arrancar-child and slapped his other hand over his mouth. "Otou-san told you not to say that!" he chided. "Ooh, you are in _trouble_!"

Grimmjow grinned and held up a fist. "Heh, only if he finds out, baka," he replied with a smirk and prepared to punch.

Szayel quickly held up his hands in defeat. "Okay, okay, I won't tell," he said quickly, hoping to strike a bargain. "But only if you help me find Grantz and Roy-chan! And if you refuse and hit me, I'll tell Otou-san!"

"Che, tattletale," Grimmjow spat, but nodded his head. "Fine. Let's go find them. By the way, why do you call Roy-baka Roy-chan?"

Szayel grinned. "Because he's younger than me and pretty girly," he replied bluntly.

"Heh. That's a laugh, coming from the girly man himself."

"I am not girly!"

"Sure you're not."

Szayel glared at the younger arrancar-child and crossed his arms. There was no way he was going to admit that he was girly. That would give Grimmjow and Ulquiorra bragging rights and it just wasn't right. He blamed their father for having weird hair color possibilities. Light blue was fine, but come on, pink? Did Aizen draw those colors from a hat?

"So, where to, mon capitaine?" Grimmjow asked sarcastically.

Szayel looked around the hallway. White, white, and more white with the occasional door; Szael sweat dropped. Their father needed to get an interior decorator. "Uh," he started, spinning around in a circle with his eyes squeezed shut. He opened them to find it pointing at the door to an unused room. "In there, I guess."

The two arrancar-children opened the door silently and peered in. They had never seen the room before. There was a large white couch, a coffee table, some chairs, a white rug, a bed, and a high up window that was barred. They could see the never changing moon from the window.

Grimmjow caught some movement underneath the bed and motioned to Szayel. They both nodded and on the silent count of three, charged into the room and dove underneath the bed. There was some screaming and kicking and when the disheveled arrancar-children came out from underneath the white bed, they dragged along an equally disheveled D-Roy.

"We found ya, Roy-chan!" Szayel cried happily, clapping his hands.

D-Roy frowned and crossed his arms, sulking. "How many times must I tell you to not call me Roy-chan?" he muttered angrily.

Grimmjow smirked. "Heh, apparently not enough, Roy-baka," he answered.

D-Roy's scowl darkened. "Don't call me that, Grimm-_kun_," he snapped.

"Hey! At least Grimm-kun is better than Roy-chan or Roy-baka!" the blue-haired arrancar-child retorted.

The two were about to get into another tussle when Szayel jumped in between them. "Ne, ne, let's go find Grantz and then we can go pick on Ulqui-kun!"

"I'm up for that!"

"Sure, let's go!"

And with that resolve in mind, the three dashed out of the room and rushed back down the hallway. The three found Grantz soon enough. He was hiding behind Aizen's throne.

"I can't believe it took you three imbeciles that long to find me!" he had chided.

The four of them dashed out of the throne room in four identical blurs. None of them wanted to miss out on the chance of picking on poor little Ulquiorra. But then they all stopped and stared, their four pairs of eyes wide in shock.

On the white walls of Las Noches was blood. A lot of blood. None of them had seen that much blood before. Then again, they had only seen blood when Lolly had a paper cut and came crying to their father.

D-Roy started feeling a little woozy. The scent of blood was new to them all and the strange aroma was giving him a headache.

Grantz started shaking uncontrollably. "Wh-who's blood is this?" he asked shakily.

"I-I don't know," Grimmjow replied breathily. The color of the blood was appealing to him. He wondered where he could see more red color like this.

Szayel's eyes hardened into a determined look. "Ne, who wants to help me solve this mystery?" he asked, putting on the bravest face an arrancar-child like him could muster.

The other three raised their eyebrows.

"Help you?"

"In solving a mystery?"

"What mystery?"

Szayel almost face faulted and waved his arms wildly at the red walls. "That mystery!" he exclaimed. "Who wants to help me solve the mystery of who's blood that is?"

Three hands shot up at once. "I do!" they said in unison.

Szayel's face lit up. "Great!" he chirped. "Right! Let's go solve...the blood caper!"

Grimmjow scoffed. "The blood caper?" he asked teasingly. "Is that the best you could come up with?"

Frowning, Szayel crossed his arms and pouted. "Well, why don't you try coming up with a better name?" he taunted. "Oh wait, let me guess, the best you can come up with is probably the mystery of the blood covered walls, huh, Grimm-kun?"

The two glared at each other until Grantz cleared his throat and tapped his foot impatiently. "Oh come on," he grumbled. "They both mean the same thing! Now let's get moving and solve this mystery fast! I want to go and tease Ulquiorra!"

"Oh, right!"

They followed the trail of blood down the hallways. Grantz stared down at the trail, fascinated at how little the red footprints were. They were getting fainter and fainter until they finally faded away back into the black tiles of Las Noches.

"Shimatta!" Grimmjow cursed. "They disappeared!"

Grantz, D-Roy, and Szayel grinned evilly. "Ooh, Grimm-kun cursed," Grantz sang.

"Otou-san is gonna be ticked," Szayel continued.

"He's probably gonna lock you up with those two crazy girls," D-Roy finished. "Y'know, Lolly and Menoly."

Grimmjow's eye twitched. "Er, look, the footprints stopped in front of Yami's door," he said, hoping to change the subject.

Three pairs of eyes widened at the fact. "By the mask on my head," Grantz gasped. "So you're right, Grimm-kun!" They all glanced at the door and exchanged similar looks. They were going in.

D-Roy opened the door and the four rushed in...only to find Yami sitting at an easel painting a red flower. Szayel's eyes lit up. "So you're the one who spilled all that blood out in the hallway!" he exclaimed.

Yami looked up, confusion crossing his face. "Huh? What blood?" he asked.

The four face faulted.

"I know you're not exactly the brightest, Yami," Grimmjow said in exasperation. "But come on, there was blood splattered all over the walls and the footprints led straight to your room!"

Yami blinked. "Footprints?" he repeated and looked out the door. Indeed there were footprints. Yami looked down at his feet and then back at the footprints. "They're too small to be my feet, baka," he said bluntly.

The four rushed over and looked back and forth between Yami's feet and the footprints. "So you're right," Grantz murmured. "Darn. We were so close. Anyways, wanna help us look for the cul-cul-er, what was it?"

"Culprit."

"Yeah, culprit!" Grantz gave Yami an encouraging look. "Ne, Yami-baka, why don't you help us find out who splattered the walls with blood and then when we're done, we can go and make fun of Ulqui-kun?"

Yami looked interested. "Okay," he answered. "But I have a feeling that if we go tease him, it will come back and bite us in the rear one day..."

Grimmjow burst out laughing at Yami's reply. "Hahaha, right, sure," he said. "And what's that shrimp gonna do, become stronger than us and give us payback?"

Yami shuddered. "Yeah, I'm foretelling all this," he answered. "Maybe we shouldn't pick on him..."

Szayel started laughing as well. "Oh, oh, and next he'll be popping up in places where we least expect him to be! Hahaha! That's just crazy! Ulquiorra's nothing but a ketchup loving shrimp! Now let's get to it!"

Once outside, the gang went in the general direction of the footprints. They were all quiet, the silence of Las Noches looming over them. They rarely ever came this way for it was where Aizen, Gin, and Tousen's rooms were.

"It's so creepy down here," D-Roy whispered.

"Yeah, I know," Grantz replied.

Grimmjow blinked. "Wait, why are we whispering?" he asked in his loud voice.

The other four jumped in surprised and hissed at him. "Shh!" Szayel hissed, placing his finger to his lips.

Grimmjow pouted. "I just wanted to know why we're whispering," he huffed.

And then they saw him. Their eyes widened in shock, fear travelling down their spines. He had appeared out of nowhere, like Death itself. Maybe Yami's foretelling wasn't as crazy as it seemed.

"Gah!" they screamed and rushed over to the littlest arrancar-child.

"Ulqui-kun!" Szael cried out. "What happened to you?!"

Ulquiorra turned to look at them, his large green eyes reflecting confusion. He was then seized by Szayel and Grantz. Both of them had comical tears running down their faces and they both gave their littlest brother two identical bone crushing hugs.

"Wah!" Szayel cried. "Ulqui-kun, you're responsible for that big blood spill in that hallway, aren't you?"

Grantz wailed even louder. "Oh no, not Ulqui-kun!" he said in despair. "You've lost so much blood—you're dying!"

Szayel squeezed Ulquiorra harder. "Why must the good die young?"

D-Roy shoved the twins off of Ulquiorra and gave him another bone crushing hug. Tears were rolling down his face as well. "Ne, Ulqui-kun?" he sobbed. "Y'know all those things I-I've c-called y-ya? I-I didn't m-mean any of th-those things, r-really!"

Ulquiorra blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Why were they hugging him and acting like he was about to die? He glanced down at his usually spotless outfit. Oh. There were red splotches everywhere. That reminded him. He was supposed to be changing into a new outfit right now. The sight of his currently dirty one made him shudder.

Breaking D-Roy's bone crushing hug, Ulquiorra opened the door to his room. "You're all overreacting," he said. "This is only ketchup." He closed the door on them.

The five blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. It was only ketchup? The door opened to a clean dressed Ulquiorra with a towel in hand. Only then did they realize that he didn't have his bottle of ketchup with him.

"He doesn't have his ketchup bottle!" Yami shouted in surprise.

"Oh no, the apocalypse is coming!" Szayel cried.

"The world's gonna end!" Grantz wailed, tugging at his long blond hair.

Ulquiorra let out a sigh at his older brothers' antics. "You're all overreacting again," he murmured, stepping out into the hallway. Then he pointed at the pink-haired arrancar-child. "It was his fault for the red in the hallway. It's only ketchup, not blood."

Szayel blinked. "Ketchup?" he asked weakly.

Ulquiorra nodded. "Remember how you bumped into me?" Szayel nodded his head vigorously. "You broke my ketchup bottle from the impact and sent ketchup flying everywhere."

"But I didn't see any remains of the ketchup bottle anywhere," Grimmjow cut in. "Just a whole lotta ketchup on the wall."

"I had to go throw the bottle away," Ulquiorra replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh," was all Grimmjow had to say.

Ulquiorra sighed and Yami looked confused. "So Szayel was all to blame for sending on this goose chase of a mystery?" he asked.

Everyone but said pink-haired arrancar nodded. Then the realization settled in. It was all Szayel's fault. Four angry pairs of eyes turned their gaze to the victim. "Szayel," they all called out in a dangerous voice.

Ulquiorra gave Szayel the towel. "You might need this," he said. "When Otou-san finds the mess, that is."

Szayel nodded and glanced at the three angry arrancar-children and one angry arrancar-teen. "Eh, hehehe, um, guys—" he squeaked before running as fast as his tiny child legs could carry him.

"Get him!" Yami bellowed and the four dashed after the retreating pink-haired arrancar-child.

Ulquiorra sighed. Well, the blood/ketchup caper was solved so now there was only one thing for him to do: get a new bottle of ketchup. Scratch that. There were two things for him to do: get his bottle of ketchup and an omelet. Hey, solving a mystery was no easy work.

_**The Aftermath:**_

Szayel was cleaning all the ketchup off the wall under the supervision of the other five when something crossed his mind. "Ne, y'know, Ulqui-kun," he said, rubbing at a tough stain. "How'd you appear all of a sudden like that?"

Ulquiorra blinked and said, "Naisho."

Grimmjow frowned and leapt at the younger arrancar-child. "What? How come it's a secret?" he asked angrily.

"...because," was Ulquiorra's reply.

Grimmjow sighed. He knew he wouldn't get any more out of that tight lipped kid. He slid back down and took his seat next to Grantz when something hit him as well. "Ne, Yami-baka," he said. "You were kinda right about Ulquiorra, so d'you have any more visions of his future?"

Ulquiorra blinked in confusion and Yami shuddered. "Oh yeah," he replied. "There's gonna be a woman with...reddish brown hair in his life."

Ulquiorra blinked again. Once. Twice. Three times. "A...woman?" he repeated in confusion.

Grantz, Szayel, Grimmjow, and D-Roy burst out in laughter. "Cha right," Grimmjow said. "And what's she gonna do, be Ulqui's lover?"

"Hahaha, like that's ever gonna happen!" Szayel cried.

Yami shuddered. "I dunno," he said. "Remember how my earlier prediction is coming true?" Silence and several nods. Yami grinned. "Well, I see her appearing in my future and your futures as well," he said, pointing at Grimmjow and Szayel.

Grimmjow scoffed. "Sure, and my zanpakuto's gonna be called Pantera," he said sarcastically.

"You never know. It just might happen," Ulquiorra said mysteriously and left.

They all stared at his retreating back with fear. "O-okay," Szayel stuttered. "Who agrees to keep this whole conversation a secret?"

"Agreed," came four voices in unison.

Ulquiorra glanced back at his brothers. Would it be true, what Yami had predicted? The tiny arrancar-child's grip tightened around his ketchup bottle. He really needed an omelet right about now.

* * *

Great last words, Ulquiorra. Nice leaving them shrouded in mystery and fear. XD And right, you never know, it might just happen...XD 


	3. Nicknames

**The Ketchup Series**

**Title:** Nicknames

**Warning:** Other titles might include, 'The Punishment', 'The Aftermath of a Fight', 'When Yami Becomes and Official Clairvoyant', 'He Must be on Crack', or 'When Il Forte Grantz Becomes a Hippy...and then some'. XD This will definitely insure crack in some way or another, i.e. Ulquiorra shouting and/or smiling, but the chances of that ever happening are slim to none. Especially in my fic. Unless he has been fed too many pixie sticks by Grimmjow and becomes sugar high and overly hyperactive. XD Oh yeah, _**SPOILERS FOR 284!!!!!!!!!!**_

**Genre:** Light Humor/General

**Rating:** K/K+

**Characters:** Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, Szayel, Grantz, D-Roy, Stark, Noitora, Halibel, Aizen, Gin, Tousen, Yami

**Summary:** After being confined by Aizen, Grimmjow, Szayel, Grantz, and D-Roy decide to do something that might pass the time.

**AN:** Not so much mention of ketchup in this fic than the others. Oh well. And no, I don't have anything against hippies, but doesn't Grantz's long hair and how he always adds the word brother or some variation of it whenever he talks (Well, in the anime and manga) make him seem kinda hippy-ish? XD I am enjoying this too much...hippy Grantz! XD Then again, he could also be a surfer dude...ah, I can see it now: Surfer Dude Reincarnated as Hippy Arrancar! XD

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bleach.

* * *

Aizen wiped off some of the mud that was on his face. He tried to keep his usual cool, calm, and collected face, but he was failing. Miserably. "And why did you think you could have a mud fight?" he asked in a dangerously low voice, his narrowed eyes twitching like mad. 

Grimmjow shifted his weight to his left leg. "Er...D-Roy started it," he mumbled, averting his eyes from his father's cold gaze.

"How did you get mud anyways?" Ulquiorra asked, flipping through a book until he came to a certain page, his ketchup bottle perched on the ledge right next to him.

"We mixed water with sand, of course," Szayel replied triumphantly.

Gin tugged at his white overcoat. "This ain't cool!" he whined. "Ya got mud all over my outfit!"

Tousen flicked mud off his cheek and glared in the general direction of the troublesome little arrancar-children. "Aizen-sama," he said, fingering his zanpakuto. "May I punish your children?"

D-Roy, Szayel, Grantz, and Grimmjow flinched and backed away a couple of steps, huddling together in fear. Aizen smirked. "No," he replied. "I think I'll confine them for a bit."

D-Roy blinked. "Confine us?" he asked, looking a bit confused. "What do you mean, Otou-san?"

"It means that he's gonna ground us, Roy-baka," Grimmjow snapped, pouting. "Che. Not fair. How come Ulquiorra never gets punished?"

Said arrancar-child looked up from the book he was reading. "That's because I never get in trouble," he replied simply. Hopping down from the ledge he was sitting on, he tucked the book under one arm and his ever present ketchup bottle under the other. "I'm going in now, Otou-san," he informed and with grace that none of the other four could master, he walked back into the citadel.

Szayel crossed his arms and furrowed his brows in confusion. "Ne, we were throwing mud everywhere, weren't we?" he asked.

"Yep," Grantz replied, not catching his brother's drift.

"Then why didn't Ulqui-kun have mud on his uniform?"

There was a low murmur of agreement and confusion. Why wasn't there mud on the youngest arrancar-child's arrancar uniform? He couldn't be _that_ graceful to be able to dodge mud when it was flying everywhere, right? They decided to go and find him and ask.

But before they could..."And where do you think you're going?" Aizen asked, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at them.

"Um, to find Ulquiorra?" Grantz suggested meekly.

Aizen grabbed him and Szayel by the ear while Tousen and Gin grabbed Grimmjow and D-Roy. "Oh no you're not," he replied, dragging them back into Las Noches. "You guys are grounded for a week!"

"No!"

----------

Ulquiorra could hear the older arrancar-children's screams from the hallway that he was in. He sighed and shook his head. They were grounded for sure. Then he shrugged and continued on his way. It was their fault anyways.

Noitora opened his door and peered out. The gangly arrancar-teen grinned at the sounds of the screams. "So, what did those brats do?" he asked, intrigued.

"They got mud all over themselves, Otou-san, Gin-oji-san, and Tousen-oji-san," Ulquiorra replied. "They're going to be confined."

Noitora's malicious eyes twinkled at the news. "Oh?" he said, chuckling evilly. "They're going to get confined, eh?"

"Who's getting confined?" a voice that both of them knew too well asked. Halibel and Stark rounded a corner and the female arrancar-teen repeated her question.

"Why, the Quick-'n-Careless Quartet of course," Noitora replied in a 'know-it-all' tone. "Didn't cha know, Booby-chan?"

Halibel narrowed her eyes at the older arrancar-teen. "Do _not_ call me Booby-chan, Noitora," she said in the same low and dangerous voice that Aizen had.

Noitora smirked and waved his arms in mock fright. "Oh dear, Halibel is gonna get me," he said sarcastically. "Well, what are you gonna do, _Booby-chan_? Hm? Nothing? I thought so. C'mon, lazy-butt, lil' ketchup dude,"

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes like what Halibel and Aizen did. "Don't call me lil' ketchup dude, Noitora," he said in the low and dangerous tone.

Stark looked back and forth between Halibel and Ulquiorra. Did they both inherit their father's dangerous tone, he wondered. Then he shook his head. It was better if he didn't wonder at all.

"Ano, want to go see what those little buggers are up to?" Stark asked in a lazy and sleepy voice.

"Of course we do!" Noitora replied for them.

Stark and Noitora started in the direction of the screams. Halibel glanced down at Ulquiorra as if to ask him if he wanted to go to which he responded with a shrug, so Halibel to the tiny hand of her littlest brother and followed after the two of which the they had dubbed as the idiots.

"They're going to make a mess out of things, aren't they, onee-san?" the younger of the two asked.

"Hn. Yes, of course they are," Halibel replied.

"So we're going to have to clean up their messes like we always do, don't we?"

"Yup, so let's just grin and bear it, Ulquiorra, grin and bear it."

"...you're just kidding, right?"

----------

Grimmjow sulked in a corner of the room. It was boring. Very boring. What was he supposed to do, being confined for a whole week? The only furniture in the room was a large bed that would fit the four, albeit it would be very crowded, and a coffee table.

"I'm bored," Szayel said, stating the obvious and yawned. "There's absolutely nothing to do!"

"I know, we should play a game!" D-Roy replied, trying to be optimistic.

Grimmjow scoffed. "Sure," he said sarcastically. "Let's play the 'who can survive the longest without being driven nuts wins' game."

Grantz blinked. "I've never heard of that game. How do you play?" The others face faulted.

Suddenly the door opened and Noitora, Stark, Halibel, and Ulquiorra walked in. "Yo," Noitora greeted, sporting his trademark snake grin. "Wazzup?"

"Stop. Please," Halibel said, rolling her eyes at Noitora's 'street' language.

"Hey! What's up, bro?" Grantz greeted happily. "Has everything been groovy for ya?"

Everyone stared at him. "Nii-chan, have you been spending too much time with Noitora again?" Szayel asked. He looked like he was on the verge of fainting after hearing what Grantz had said.

"No way do I say groovy!" Noitora defended. "It's so...so...so _lame_!"

"Groovy is not lame, bro!" Grantz replied, crossing his arms. "Groovy is so...so...so groovy!"

"Have you finally gone insane, Grantz?" Ulquiorra asked. He didn't looked startled at the older arrancar-child's new vocabulary at all. Nope. He was still sporting his trademark poker face.

Grantz started laughing. "Of course not, man!" he replied, holding up a book. "I learned all this new and groovy stuff from this groovy book! You should read it sometimes, my brother, open your eyes to a whole new view of the world!"

Ulquiorra and Szayel looked at the book. It was called, _Peace Makes the World go Round_. In other words..."Oh great, my brother's been turned into a hippy! Now he really does have a reason to keep his hair long! I'm related to a hippy!"

"Hey, we're all related to that hippy to, ya know," Grimmjow butted in. "And the next thing ya know, we're all gonna be hippies and talkin' about world peace instead of fightin' and all that stuff!"

"Okay, who agrees that we should tie Grantz up and find something to do?" Stark asked, earning nods from everyone except said arrancar-child.

"Hey, this isn't groovy, bro!" he protested as he was being tied to the bed. "The big guy's gonna punish you, bro! You can count on it!"

The others just ignored him and sat in a circle around the coffee table. "So...wadda ya wanna do?" Grimmjow asked.

Everyone but Ulquiorra and Stark shrugged. Ulquiorra didn't because shrugging just wasn't him and Stark because he had fallen asleep. Again. A loud snore erupted from said arrancar-teen, causing everyone but Halibel and Ulquiorra to sweat drop.

"Why don't we play the nickname game, eh?" Noitora suggested. The awkward silence was really grating on his nerves.

"How do you play the nickname game?" D-Roy asked, scratching the large hollow mask on his head.

Noitora's grin grew even wider. "I'm glad ya asked," he replied. "Let's say we all come up with a nickname for Yami-baka. We then vote on which nickname is the best and call him that. The losers would get pies thrown at them, but since we don't have pies, we'll just havta squirt them with Ulqui-chan's ketchup.

Ulquiorra's eyes narrowed and he tightened his grip on his beloved ketchup bottle. "No way in Las Noches," he replied in that dangerously low voice, ending the discussion right away.

Szayel raised a delicate pink eyebrow. "Don't we already have nicknames for everyone?" he asked. "Like how we call Ulquiorra Ulqui-kun or Ulqui-chan?"

"No, no, no," Noitora said, smirking. "We just basically shortened his name and then added a suffix, like Yami-baka. That's not a nickname. A nickname would be like calling Halibel Booby-chan."

"When I get my zanpakuto," Halibel snarled. "I'm going to skewer you, insides out."

Noitora gave a nervous chuckle. "Uh, okay, anyways," he stuttered. "Uh, what d'you guys think of Booby-chan?"

"It's okay," Stark murmured sleepily, rubbing his eyes. Seriously, waking up to a bunch of angry arrancar was not the way to go. "But the next thing ya know, she'll be called Miss Skewer."

"Not funny, Lazy-dope," Halibel replied.

"I think Miss Skewer is better than Booby-chan anyways," Ulquiorra murmured. "At least it won't get Otou-san all angry and confine us all." Silence filled the room at his truthful statement.

"Wow. Dead silence. Way to go, Ulqui-kun," Szayel said. "Ok, so we all agree that Miss Skewer is better and Lazy-dope has already labeled Stark-nii-san. Who's next?"

"I am next!" Grantz shouted happily. They were sure that if he wasn't tied up, he would've waved his hands around wildly. "I think I should be called the Awesome Hippy Dude!"

There was a short silence before..."No," Ulquiorra said. "That name just glamorizes you."

"You really like to praise yourself, don'tcha?" D-Roy muttered.

"Che, well, you are a hippy, though," Grimmjow added. "So, why don't we just call you...Hippy-chan?"

"Okay!" The reply received sweat drops from almost everyone in the room. "Szayel is next! I think we should call him Pinky or Girly-chan!"

"Definitely not!" Szayel shouted. "I shall not be called either of them!"

"I like Pinky," Ulquiorra murmured and that was the end of that. He always had the last words in these things, so there was no point in trying to go against his words. And that was how Szayel was dubbed as Pinky, though others would testify that they had wanted to opt for Girly-chan instead. Ulquiorra's words were basically law, though, so that subject was never brought up again.

Next up was Grimmjow. Said arrancar-child started to sweat a bit at the scrutinizing gaze that was shot by Ulquiorra. Did he forget to wash his mask again? Was his hair brushed? He patted his hair and found that it was as messy as ever. So...what was Ulquiorra looking at? Grimmjow's eyes twitched. "Well, what is it, brat?" he snapped at the younger of the two.

"You used to be a panther-like hollow, right?" Ulquiorra asked.

"Yeah...what about it? D'you have a problem with it?"

"...no," Ulquiorra replied. Then he pointed at Grimmjow and said for everyone else to hear, "I think Grimmjow should be called Neko-sama."

Grimmjow almost face faulted. "N-n-n-neko-sama?!" he shouted in disbelief. "Are you kidding me, you **–Censored-**!"

Ulquiorra didn't blink at Grimmjow's foul language. "Maybe he should be called Potty-mouth instead," he said observantly.

Everyone else except a select few who always kept a straight face and/or was really angry and embarrassed laughed.

"I like Neko-sama," Stark said, tears running down his face from laughing so hard.

"Yeah, yeah!" D-Roy chirped. "I like Neko-sama a lot!"

"Shut the **–Censored-** up, ya **–Censored-**!!!"

"Ooh, Neko-sama cussed!" Szayel taunted. "Otou-san's gonna kill him!"

"It's agreed then!" Noitora said triumphantly. "Grimmjow shall now be known as Neko-sama!"

If looks could kill, Noitora would be dead. Again. Then Grimmjow turned his deadly look to Ulquiorra who just stared back at him with his melancholic face. Then the younger one closed his eyes and sighed. "It's my turn, isn't it?" he asked.

Grimmjow grinned evilly. "Sure is—" he spat only to be interrupted by the sound of heavy pounding feet.

Then suddenly the door burst open and Yami came rushing in. His eyes were dull and his mouth was agape. He pointed a shaky finger at Ulquiorra and, without ever moving his lips, he began to foresee something. "I see an...Espada! He shall become an Espada! He will be so emotionless and look so melancholic that he shall be called...EMOSPADA!!!" Then he went limp and slumped to the floor.

There was even more silence. And then..."Emospada?!" Grimmjow shouted, laughing hysterically. "Emospada? Ahahahaha!"

Szayel, Grantz, D-Roy, and Noitora also burst out in laughter. "That is the best nickname by far!" Szayel snickered, tears of mirth running down his face. "Oh, I can see it now, Ulquiorra, Future Espada and Future Emo—Behold, the Emospada! Ahahahahaha!"

And then a figure appeared in the doorway. Silence once again filled the room. Aizen Sosuke had appeared. "What is going on here?" he asked in that ever so famous dangerously low voice. His eyes narrowed at the sight.

"Uh, we just decided to pay the little convicts a little visit," Noitora replied. "And we were about to leave."

Stark, Noitora, and Halibel stood up abruptly and left the room just as quickly. Aizen raised an eyebrow at the sight of Grantz tied to the bed. Then he glanced down at an out cold Yami. "What..."

"Ne, I never got a chance to get my nickname!" D-Roy cried.

Aizen just closed his eyes, grabbed Ulquiorra, and left. He was sure he didn't want to know what happened.

Ulquiorra glanced up at his father, curiosity dancing in his green eyes. "Ne, Otou-san, why do you have a book called _Peace Makes the World go Round_?" he asked. "It turned Grantz into a hippy..."

"I knew I didn't want to know," Aizen muttered to himself as he and his youngest son walked down the empty and silent halls of Las Noches.

"Otou-san, will I really become an emo Espada? What does emo mean anyway?"

"Um...who told you all of this?"

"Yami did. He said I'm going to be an Emospada. Is that true?"

"Uh...have I ever told you about the birds and the bees?"

"...no..."

"Oh. Well, birds—that is, certain types of birds—and bees both help make tomatoes that make ketchup!"

* * *

XD With the lack of ketchup in this story, I just had to add a bit with it in. And way to go, Aizen! Nice way to tell him about the birds and the bees without totally killing the kid's mind! Now try telling that again to him when he's older. XD 


End file.
